Flag of Portugal

Portugal has four distinct and noticeable seasons. The UAE has two; unbearable summer and normal summer.

Both countries enjoy a confusing, inefficient bureaucracy, long queues in public buildings, and government employees that aren’t paid enough to care but with enough power to ruin your day.

English is a second language in Portugal and is spoken well enough to be understood. English is an official language in the UAE and is unintelligible coming out of the mouths of the service sector population.

Food in Portuguese restaurants is unbelievably delicious, not expensive, but most of the cuisine is pretty much the same thing from restaurant to restaurant. Food in UAE restaurants is unbelievably varied, a bit expensive but disappointingly tasteless (unless you opt for the really expensive restaurants).

Portuguese drivers are really horrible and you have to drive extremely defensive on the roads. UAE drivers make the Portuguese look like driving instructors.

Flag of the United Arab Emirates

Both the Portuguese and the Emirati are the nicest people you will ever meet.

Public urinating is a national pastime in Portugal and a jailable offense in the UAE.

Taxis in both countries are not expensive. You can get across Lisbon for about $10 and Abu Dhabi for about $7.

Fresh water in Portugal comes out of the skies, is collected in lakes, streams and wells and is relatively cheap to purchase, unless you have a furo, then it is free. Fresh water in the UAE comes from the ocean, is desalinated in large factories that burn oil to process the salt water, and delivered to your faucet at about half the price it costs to make it, unless you are an Emirati where it is subsidized  further and costs even less.

When it rains in Portugal the streets drain quickly due to the spaces between the calçadas and the accurate engineering of the slope of the road down to the storm drain. When it rains in the UAE, which is about two days a year, most buildings leak and the roads flood as no one engineers rain into their construction projects.

Drive 10 minutes north of the Algarvian coastline and you are in the agricultural, green countryside. Drive 10 minutes south of the UAE coastline and you see nothing but sand and camels.

If given a choice, the Portuguese walk rather than drive. In the UAE no one walks.

Portugal enjoys freedom of the press. The UAE does too, as long as they like what you print.

Combine cruising down main street on a  Saturday night in the 1970′s with the Fourth of July, add a dash of innocent Halloween pranking and you have the 2010 UAE national day celebration.  No alcohol allowed and you have good clean fun in an amazing environment.

Islamic Disneyland

I’ve been asked several times since moving to the UAE what it is like living here. Up until now, my answers have been long drawn out explanations of the climate, the culture, the social and economic levels and the glitter, bling and gold plating added to every endeavor taken on in this tiny country.

Having moved here from quiet, green and sincere Portugal, my initial impression of this place was of shock and awe, hypnotized by the perpetual dripping of money and surreal order of everything.  Portugal and the UAE are on opposite ends of the spectrum in the comparative list of the world ‘s countries. Agricultural green has been replaced by sandy brown, rural quietness  has been replaced by the deafening sound of 24 hour a day high rise construction (an alleyway’s distance from the terrace of our apartment), and sincere is not a word in the vocabulary of 85% of the population whose motivation to be here is to make a ton of money during their three year work contract and then get back out.

Not that they have a choice, mind you. In the UAE, if you don’t have a job, you have to leave the country. There is no homeless population, no soup kitchens, no welfare or public assistance,and no unemployment. Your right to stay here beyond the 30 day tourist visa that gets stamped in your passport when you enter the country is solely dependent on getting a job. Without a job, you will be deported back to your home country. In the UAE, you can not open a bank account, get a drivers license, rent an apartment or get a residence visa without legitimate employment. Everyone here works.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining.  I am having more fun living here than I ever thought I would, but this place is unique and completely different than any other country in the world. Now that I have settled into the daily grind of living here, and “shock and awe” has been replaced with “day to day”, I have come to realize that I am living in Disneyland.

Cast Members take the Monorail to the Disneyland Hotel.

As is in Disneyland, everything you see here is artificial, clean, intentional, planned, attractive, superficial, polite, expensive, overstaffed, secure, safe, and there is much more hidden and going on behind he scenes that you are allowed to see.

In Disneyland, there is an entire underground (literally) portion of the park that houses the security, computers, kitchens, maintenance facilities, staff entrances, loading docks and pretty much anything that , if visible by the tourists, would take away from the fantasy and idyllic experience created above ground. Underground is where the aesthetically challenged employees work, the ones who applied for the job of portraying Alice and Jasmine above ground but didn’t make it through the sieve of attractiveness. You don’t ever see them but they make up the majority of the employees and are really what make the park tick.

In Dubai and Abu Dhabi, there isn’t the convenience of a separate underground facility to hide what you are not supposed to see, but they certainly try. The construction worker class of residents, whose plight and conditions have been described by some journalists (none living here as saying anything negative about the UAE never makes it to print here) as modern day slaves, are bussed in and out of town. Apparently their living conditions are upsetting to the expat community so out of sight, out of mind is the solution to that problem.

Walking down Main Street in Disneyland you can’t help notice that every building is clean, freshly painted and with flowers in the windows. The architects of Main Street left no detail ignored and created an experience of reality that really isn’t there. What you don’t realize is that these buildings are just  fronts, facades to give you the illusion they are three dimensional structures. Look behind the windows and you will find nothing but scaffolding and some support structures. Any scrap of litter casually tossed on the ground by insensitive tourists is immediately swept up by the nameless, smartly dressed but good looking (enough) trash sweeper uppers. Apparently this is the most sought after job in Disneyland as there is absolutely no interaction whatsoever with the public. The employees you do interact with, however,are always cheerful, greet you energetically, call you “Sir” or “Ma’am”, all with the intonation of a Stepford wife. This is customer service on steroids.

Cinderella's Castle

Walking down the main streets of Dubai you can’t help notice that all the newer buildings and skyscrapers are modern day works of art. The designer tile work and reflective mirrored windows give you the impression that this city must be the world’s center of prosperity and have it all. The architects left no detail ignored and created an experience of reality that really isn’t there.  What you don’t realize is that many of these buildings are just shells, mirrored on the outside to hide that fact. Look behind the windows and you will find that the majority of these commercial buildings are unoccupied, a symptom of the pre-economic crisis mentality of “build it and they will come”. These areas, built to attract tourists and western expats are litter and dirt free as countless entry level cleaners constantly sweep away any hint of disorder and chaos. You don’t interact with these people as they are probably trained to be as inconspicuous as possible. However, every store clerk, taxi driver, doorman, waitress and mid level employee you run into drips of customer service overload and always addresses you as “Sir” or “Ma’am”.

As I said, I live in Disneyland.

Blind Justice?

This is a follow up to my previous post .

A Saudi court is trying to persuade a man paralyzed in a fight to drop his demand to inflict a similar injury on his attacker by having his spinal cord surgically damaged, a judiciary spokesman said Monday.The court has determined that such a procedure could result in the attacker’s death and is appealing to the victim to accept financial compensation instead, the spokesman said, speaking on condition of anonymity under judiciary rules.

After consulting with Saudi hospitals, the judge ruled that such a procedure could be fatal and that blood money would be a fair deal.

Rights group Amnesty International has urged Saudi authorities not to deliberately paralyze the attacker, saying that doing so would constitute torture. Saudi Arabia enforces strict Islamic law and occasionally doles out punishments based on the ancient legal code of an eye-for-an-eye.

According to Amnesty, convicts have had teeth pulled by dentists in retribution for knocking people’s teeth out in fights and others have been sentenced to be blinded after causing people to go blind.

You Are Here

Stating the Obvious at the Dubai Mall. Of course you are here, or you wouldn’t be reading the sign.

I had a request to occasionally pontificate on the food scene here in the UAE and thought it an excellent idea. What better way to start this series but to visit the local Carrefour supermarket and see what is available for those lucky enough to have time outside of work to actually prepare their own meals.

Coincidentally, my wife B just joined me here in Abu Dhabi and today I took her on a mini tour of the city.  I say “mini” because we thought we’d be healthy and walk the city but heat and humidity quickly saw us dashing to the air conditioned sanctuary of the Marina Mall via air conditioned taxi and to the multiple football field sized supermarket on the basement level. Before she arrived, I only ventured into Carrefour to purchase a top-up card for my mobile phone, as the thought of actually purchasing individual ingredients and cooking a meal myself is as appealing to me as watching paint dry. However, with her as my tour guide, this strange and fascinating labyrinth of culinary building blocks was actually very entertaining.

Food Galore

Everything and anything you could ever imagine putting into your stomach is here on display. In addition to all the staple foods you and I are accustomed to seeing, there are foods from many other countries for sale that I did not recognize.  I thought I knew my vegetables, but with much of the produce having been imported from neighboring Middle Eastern countries, there were many alien looking, oddly colored, round and obscene shaped produce items for sale with names I could not pronounce sitting next to the familiar and comforting tomatoes and onions I tended to gravitate toward.

B became very excited at the spice section with open buckets of multi colored powders and grains on display, for sale by weight and again with names I did not recognize. We jotted down the unfamiliar names and intend to look them up on the internet when we return to our room.

Then we realized that our amazement at the wide selection of food items was probably more a reflection of our past ten years living in Portugal where one stop shopping is an oxymoron and variety is just the name of a magazine. We became accustomed to doing without many food items as the Portuguese cuisine is, although delicious, very narrow and limited.

So take this article with a grain of salt (Carrefour has something called Lemon Salt in the spices section – never heard of that) as we are probably experiencing culture shock more than anything and I apologize for the lack of pictures for this article. The security guard in the one photo I do have came up to me immediately after I took the shot and told me no photographs allowed in the supermarket. What? Next time I’ll use the camera in my cell phone and make it look like I’m texting a message, which at any one time in the UAE, half of the population is doing anyway.

Blind Justice?

A Saudi judge has asked several hospitals if they are willing to surgically damage a man’s spinal cord as punishment for a cleaver attack that left a 22 year old man patralyzed. The victim became paalyzed and subsequently lost a foot after a fight more than 2 years ago.

The attacker was sentenced to 14 months in jail but released after only serving 7 months.  The family of the victim is upset about the early release of the attacker and is asking for an appeal and their “legal right under Islamic law”.  According to the family of the victim, “There is no better word than God’s word – an eye foe an eye.”

The judge has since asked several hospitals if medical paralysis was possible and would they perform the surgery. It is reported that one hospital in the capital city of Riyadh had declined, saying it could not inflict such harm.

Saudi Arabia enforces strict Islamic law and occasionally hands out punishments based on ancient legal code. It is hard to follow details of the Saudi justice system as people are sentenced in closed trials with no access to the public and no lawyers.

Amnesty International has expressed concerns over the reports and said it was contacting Saudi authorities for details.

Mountains of Oman

My fourth trip into the desert with my friend Richard and his Nissan Patrol turned out to be a jaw dropping experience for me. Our intended destination was a wadi (riverbed) he had been to before that is known to have running water year round and a spectacular waterfall. Not knowing the Arabic name for the area he referred to this spot as “Waterfall Wadi”. We entered the little finger of Oman that politely sticks up between Dubai and Hatta. This is not a serious border crossing and all the guard asks you is if you have car insurance that covers you in Oman. I have a feeling that the guard hadn’t had much traffic this morning as he was unusually chatty and I think a bit lonely. After exchanging life stories with the border guard we traveled south about 45 minutes before taking a small but paved road north. A few minutes later we turned off onto a dirt road that immediately turned into an intimidating passage for even the most experienced off-roader. Good thing too, as it turns out the waterfall we were going to was just five minutes down this road. Nothing destroys these centuries old natural wonders quicker like listing in the tourist guides and easy access by Sunday drives in their rental cars. Fortunately this road was not passable except by the most experienced four wheel drive vehicle and I base this declaration on the fact that we did not see another human being the entire day off the pavement.

Waterfall not falling.

The water wasn’t falling, and although the area supposedly never dries up, the trickle of moisture that produced the occasional dripping sound into the small pool at the bottom of the drop off was really stretching the definition of “year round” water. Parts of the overhanging rock wall that created the waterfall were covered in calcite (calcuim carbonate) and had formed a stalagmite. It looked like white mud had spilled over the edge and had frozen in time, but we all know it took centuries of water seeping through the limestone to create these geological works of art. Many of the rocks and stones that littered the riverbed were interlaced with the white lines of this calcite.

We spent the rest of the day driving and then hiking up the river bed towards the source of the “waterfall”, exploring the occasional pools of water and surveying the terrain. We came upon ancient terraces, still in good condition, where hundreds of years ago, the local inhabitants made an attempt as farming.

Ancient Aqueduct

Obviously, years ago the area was less arid and more fertile as evidenced by ruins of aqueducts, man made irrigation pools, and even building foundations. I can’t help but think how much human effort went into the attempt to tame this rugged terrain, just to grow a handful of crops in order to survive.

What impressed me the most of all the day’s discoveries was the extreme geologic variety in such a small area of the country. Around every corner of the road were rocks of different colors and consistancy. Standing in a washed out riverbed looking up at the base of a mountain a thousand feet high can be very intimidating.

Mountains of Oman

Mountain ranges that appear to shoot out of the flat plains rise to incredible heights in front of your eyes, leaving a jagged, saw toothed silhouette against the blue sky. The dry river beds have been carved out from centuries of flash floods leaving a terrain not unlike the Grand Canyon. Where the occasional but violent flow of water passes over solid bedrock, narrow and deep channels have been polished into the stone, which house perpetual deep pools of water protected by the shade the deep crevasses create. Fish, frogs, snakes and water bugs abound in these small cool micro-climates while the temperature above radiates above 100 degrees. In fact, the temperature in the shade this day peaked at 117 degrees according to the thermometer in the Patrol.

Calcite Hill

A particularly interesting series of hills caught our eye. Rising a few hundred feet off the floor of the valley and surrounded by the jagged peaks of once ancient sea beds whose layered sediments had been thrust into almost a vertical position, were small mountains that looked to be made completely of calcite. These hills had been formed by the slow and constant dripping from above of water through limestone. This several hundred foot high calcuim phosphate hill was essentially one huge stalagmite. I can’t begin to comprehend how many thousands of years it took to create this geologic wonder and how far underground this structure once stood.

The photographs I included in this post don’t do the beauty of the area justice and I plan to get back out into this region of the world as often as my friend Richard invites me.

Hot Buns Cafe

Spotted near the Oman / UAE border checkpoint near Hatta.

This coming Friday I am going to participate in one of the most popular expat activities this country has to offer, the visa run. At first you may think I’m talking about an organized group running event down the Cornish of Abu Dhabi, the entry fees of which might go to some worthy charity. But this is not an aerobic sports run, it’s even more exciting than that.

Visa Stamps

You see, when you arrive in the UAE, you get a little stamp in your passport that allows you to stay in the country for 30 days and in some circumstances, up to 60 days. This is usually plenty of time for most tourists to come, enjoy a little vacation time and go home with a minimum of paperwork to be legal staying here.

If you come here to work, your company gives you a work visa which then allows you to apply for residency, then eliminating the need for the border stamps. These are things that aren’t necessarily possible to do in 30 days. Having spent 10 years in Portugal and seen first hand how countries wrapped up in endless red tape operate, I seriously doubted that this can be accomplished in several months. My suspicions were confirmed shortly after starting work as most of my colleagues have spent up to a year getting these two critical documents in hand.

Running Man

So what happens as your 30 day tourist stamp comes close to expiring? The Visa run! To remain legal in the country, you have to leave the country and then return. That means crossing the border, then turning around and coming back, gaining a new 30 day stamp in your passport, or flying out to some other country, turning around and coming back into the UAE. This event is practiced every day by hundreds of expats waiting for their work documents to come through.

Great, I say. A chance to get away for the weekend to some nearby culturally significant tourist destination. But every 30 days? For possibly an entire year?

Welcome to the Visa run racket. A million dollar plus industry that has created relatively cheap turnaround airline flights to keep you legal in this country every 30 days. You fly out and back into the UAE in just one day, get your stamp and go back to work the next day.

I chose to fly to Oman this Friday, my day off, so I won’t miss work. Trouble is that the flight leaves at 3AM and I get back to Dubai 10 AM. I don’t think there will be much to do in the Muskat airport when I land at 4AM. What a waste of time and an entire day.